What made her beautiful was the fact that she wasn't that pretty.

         In the beginning she didn't really like me that much. But then this other girl started getting cozy with me. I knew she had a boyfriend so it was all a joke to me, but the girl I liked didn't know that. So she started asking me questions I knew she already knew as an excuse to talk to me. In the end I learned that to get one girl to like you, have you have to get another girl to like you first.

         If all it took for her to like me was to stop some guy from trying to flirt with her, I would have done it earlier.

         It seems that I liked her because she was just as confused about life as I was. I guess that was the mutual attraction. But we just never clicked. It was always too much clutch and not enough gas. Did that mean we would have made sense together? Probably not.

         If a girl you're talking to does not have an ugly best friend, then maybe she's the ugly best friend.

         She used big words to mask her insecurity about the situtation at hand.

         She reminded me a girl I used to know in high school. And if I didn't like her then, why would I like her now?

         She was into horror movies but that was one genre I was not into. Action, comedy, drama I was interested in, but never horror. So I went on ebay and bought a bunch of horror movies just so we'd have something in common to talk about. That didn't work so now I'm reselling all those horror movies on ebay. She was right about one thing. After watching all those movies, every other film just seems kind of boring

         When we hugged, there was just no chemistry so we both knew it wouldn't last.

         Whenever I see a really tall guy hugging a really short girl, it seems like the guy is taking advantage of the girl. I can't explain why, it's just an emotional response.

         The first time I met her, I was shocked because she was actually smart. Not like random trivia questions smart, but could piece together information and form an opinion kind of smart. Most pretty girls I met were nothing like that so that upped her hotness level by one bar.

         She was interesting. Not like, "borderline psychotic" like other girls I find interesting, but when she talked, I actually listened. I'm not sure whether it was her delivery, pitch, or material, but when she talked, it seemed her words had value and was worth tuning out the rest of the world for.

Here goes some old musings on my friendster.com page about who I want to meet that I change every week.

         Someone that doesn't laugh at everyone one of my jokes. I hate that. Sometimes I throw out some unfunny jokes just to see if she's really paying any attention. Any girl but the one that says she likes every type of music except for country music. No one is that open minded. Form a damn opinion please.

         When she smiles, her face crinkles up like a lemon, and it's pretty scary at first. But then you get used to it. I didn't notice her at first because she was the ultimate definition of subtle beauty. She was the only Asian girl I knew that looked older than her age.

        All girls are beautiful, they just have to realize it first.

         Before her, I thought that all pretty girls were mean.

         You just listen to it and it seems like everything before it was just static and this music just made sense. It's like you're shopping and you find a perfect shirt and you don't have any shoes or pants to match it but you keep on searching and one day you walk into the store and find it.

         Looking for someone that lives 20 minutes from me so that if she calls me sounding like she's been crying, I can say, "Calm down, I'll be over there soon."

         In area titled "Interests" on my frinedster profile, I put down in alternating weeks: "White chick with blonde highlights", "white chick with a small nose" and "white chick with a bad attitude" but Friendster deleted the last one. Why do they have that type of censorship going on?

         We broke up before we ended up making any big mistakes.

         Once you meet that girl that you can spend some time with without instead of pissing you off all the time, that's something really special. When I first saw her, she was so fine that I thought she was Japanese. But that didn't make sense since she was so tall.

         Being with her reminded me of everything I hated about relationships I never listened to a word she said because I knew they were always right. It always made me feel queezy listening to the way she kept on going on about how many guys hit on her. I was careful in my use of the world love around her for fear she might accidentally ask if I loved her.          She used to be chubby when she was younger, but she lost all that weight, so now she just has a big head.

         She was the type of girl that would go shopping when the end of the world was coming because everything would be on sale. We always talked about other people to keep from talking about us and how incompatible we were.

         Her goofy smile that she gives me whenever I accidentally say something she deems cute. No matter how older we got, there was always that age difference that separated us.

        She wasn't that pretty, nor was her body that banging, but for some reason, I had a crush on her. While other people would talk on and on and I would occasionally chime in with a funny remark, I wouldn't actually be listening to what she had to say. But with her, I actually liked what she had to say.

        The reason we didn't work out was the fact that I didn't lie to as much as I should have.

        She was the type of girl that always complained about guys always hitting on her at her workplace. But when asked of where she met her current boyfriend, she says she met him at work. And if you listen to her more often, you will realize that she met all her past boyfriends at work.

        One time at the book store, me and this girl both approached the counter at the same time. I, of course, let her go ahead. Now everytime I go to that store, I hope to see her again. I don't know what I would do or say, I'm just saying it would be nice to see her again.

         I think she used to be ugly when she was younger, because no girl that pretty as she is can be so nice to so many people.

Whatever spark we had was extinguished by my clumsiness and awkwardness around her. Everytime I was around her, I turned back into an unfunny 15 year old joke teller again. I never said the right things or did the right things at any of the right times. I never did get what she wanted from me. All her signs were too subtle and I didn’t feel the need to over analyze every action she directed towards me.

She used to wait for me after Ethics class, but she did it in such a way that it seemed like she was just stepping out of the classroom and saw me coming and decided that since we were going the same ways, we might as well go there together. It took me a while to get that. I used to park at another place and only walk her halfways towards the lot before we parted ways. But then I started thinking about it while walking by myself one day, which kills the boredom of such a long walk, and started parking in the same general area as she did.

Everyday we’d try to time each other so that we’d both leave our seats at the same time and arrive at the door together at the same time. Sometimes I got there a little early, sometimes she got there early, but we always waited for each other. We never used our time together to get to know one and another, she just needed someone to escort her across the wide campus. She was the type of girl that felt unnatural walking around without someone by her side. We never did talk about what we meant to each other because we only existed in those five minutes from the classroom to the lot. There was no us when her other friends were around, or when I was with other people.

One day, it was after the first Ethic's quiz, and I didn’t wait for her. I finished my test, walked out of the room not lingering or looking back. The next day in our other class together, she saw me, looked down and said, “I thought you would have waited for me on Tuesday.” I only responded a surprised, “oh”. Her idea of my role as her “walking buddy” was different from mine. I took our little time together as something nothing more than companionship. She took my leaving her in the classroom as abandonment. Of course we never discussed how we really felt.

After that day, we still walked to the parking lot together, but something changed. She seemed kind of mad when she would get out first with me lagging behind. Her steps were quicker even with her high heel disadvantage. She even started involving her other friends into our walk so that it was now a group activity. We never talked much when it was just the two of us, but now I was just an accessory to their group. I became invalidated. I never knew how to talk to her. My jokes always came out in a flat delivery with her. Sometimes I wonder whether I liked her because she reminded me of another girl I had a crush on or whether it was her all preppy “Rachel” attitude that got me. I just wished I had more in common with her than being in the same classes as her.

Previously on January 2002:

     Congratulations, you are the   th person that came here so don't you dare come knockin' on my door when you need someone to hold. Cause every door and window is closed. I can live, live without your love. Dub-I-Dub-I-Dub-I-Dup-Bup-Bup I don't need your love... Love is cold, yeah I don't need your- Love is cold, yeah I don't need, I don't need your love anymore.

Hit me up at sayuhhh at mailcity.com or just sign my guestbook.